Managing money can be difficult in any relationship, but it becomes more challenging when one partner is lying about financial matters. The lies can be anything, but they often involve hiding the following:
Gathering Information
Before confronting your spouse, it is important to know as much as possible about the current financial situation. This may mean looking through your bank statements over the past year to see if there are clues indicating that this might be a long-term issue. It’s also important to have a general idea of the amount of money involved. When it’s time to talk to your spouse, you will have specific examples and issues to discuss.
Discussing Issues
It’s important to have this discussion as soon as possible, but it’s best to do so when you are able to remain calm throughout the conversation. It may be a misunderstanding or mistake, so it’s crucial to listen to what your spouse has to say about the situation. It could be indicative of larger issues such as shopping addiction, gambling problems, or potential criminal behavior. Ask your spouse to be completely honest about the situation and provide documentation that proves they have been truthful.
Determining if This Behavior is a Cause for Separation
Since every case and relationship is different, the answers will vary for each relationship, so it is often beneficial to seek counsel when dealing with such a situation. A counselor can help you discuss possible solutions, mediate between you, and even assist you in determining if it is time to end the relationship.
Considering Temporary Separation of Finances
If you decide to stay together, you may want to consider temporarily separating finances until your spouse can prove that the behavior has stopped. The best way to do this is to set up a household budget where each of you contributes the same percentage of your income to cover basic household needs. However, any remaining money should be kept separate from each other.
Setting Clear Expectations
It is important to set clear expectations regarding what needs to be done to restore trust and rectify the situation. If there is debt involved, it may be necessary to pay off the debt in full as quickly as possible. If shopping addiction is the issue, attending Shopaholics Anonymous meetings regularly and seeking counseling may be necessary. If gambling addiction is the problem, seeking help to stop the addiction may be part of rebuilding trust.
Overcoming the Situation
If you decide to remain married, you should reach the point where you forgive the person and it becomes unimportant in your relationship. This forgiveness doesn’t mean that you stop checking the person’s financial matters, but over time, it may become less frequent. It shouldn’t be something you continue to use against them in the future. This shouldn’t happen immediately and often occurs after the situation has been rectified. If you continue to hold onto the hurt feelings, it could destroy your relationship.
If You Are Lying to Your Spouse
It may be that you are lying to your spouse in some aspects of your financial life. If so, you should discuss the situation with your spouse as soon as possible. It’s better to admit what you did wrong rather than for your spouse to catch you. Your spouse may be angry, but they may be willing to work with you to improve the situation, especially if you are honest and apologize for what happened.
Source: https://www.thebalancemoney.com/what-if-your-spouse-lies-about-money-4125894
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