There is no one right way for married couples to handle their financial matters. Some couples may agree to provide a cash allowance or a specific amount of money for spending that is intended to last for a certain period of time, and this can be a practical way to combine your finances and budget… if you are both in complete agreement on it.
When Cash Allowance Can Help Your Budget
You and your spouse may agree to give each other a cash allowance for spending, which is sometimes referred to as “fun money” or “pocket money.” This amount does not cover things like regular daily expenses or bills. Instead, it is designated for optional or “fun” things like clothes or video games.
This is usually not harmful if you allocate a category for cash allowance in your budget to give each partner a set amount of fun money. For some couples, it is important to have a small amount of cash that they can spend on enjoyable things without feeling accountable for it. The key is to allocate a reasonable amount within your budget and give each other the same amount.
This type of arrangement can be ideal even when one partner is not skilled at financial matters. It may be best to leave the hard work to your partner if you are not good at budgeting. Let the other person determine how much money you can spend on optional things each month without touching the bills that need to be paid, and then collaborate with them on that.
However, things can get more complicated when one partner is the primary earner for the family. But it can work if the couple agrees on a cash allowance in this situation, provided that the amount is the same and both are equally responsible for their spending.
When a Spouse Allowance is a Way to Control
A spouse allowance may be a sign of a larger problem if you are the only person in the marriage with a spending budget, especially if you are not the primary earner of the household. This may be a way to say, “You are bad with money, so I will control the amount of money you can spend from my funds.”
You may be in this situation because you chose not to take an active role in your financial matters at the beginning of your relationship. Talk to your partner about establishing equal roles in the budgeting and financial planning process in this case. Working as a team can help prevent money from destroying your marriage.
When Is It Abuse?
You might be in a bad situation if your spouse is not amenable to this suggestion, or if it is not your choice to step back from your finances in your marriage in the first place. The Purple Purse Foundation, a nonprofit dedicated to preventing domestic violence by financially empowering women, has identified key signs of financial abuse:
- One partner has limited access to money or credit cards.
- One partner’s spending is closely monitored by the other.
- One partner feels excessively anxious about how their partner will react to what are typically considered simple, everyday purchases.
Other warning signs include an allowance that shrinks over time, not being a signatory on bank accounts or on the home you own, and your partner hiding bank accounts or assets from you.
If You Suspect Financial Control
Victims of domestic violence often cite financial exploitation as a main reason for staying with or returning to an abusive partner. This happens in 99% of domestic violence cases, according to the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNED).
Call
If you are facing any of these warning signs, including being put on an allowance by your spouse, or if financial exploitation has escalated to verbal or physical violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline. The National Network to End Domestic Violence also offers assistance with issues such as finding shelter, financial guidance, and local support for victims of abuse.
Note: Call 911 if you are in immediate danger.
Source: https://www.thebalancemoney.com/what-if-my-spouse-gives-me-an-allowance-or-house-money-2385588
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