Introduction
Talking to your partner about money may not be at the top of your to-do list, but it is essential for your marriage. Lack of communication can lead to disputes, budget blowouts, and inadequate savings accounts. According to a study published in 2009 by Jeffrey Dew at Utah State University, couples who argue about money at least once a week are 30% more likely to divorce. For this reason, you need to learn how to discuss your shared financial future thoughtfully with your partner.
Schedule a Money Date
Discussing money is a serious matter, but it doesn’t have to be a solemn experience. You and your partner should set aside time to discuss financial issues such as budgeting, saving, and retirement. However, instead of viewing this as just another task to fit into your busy schedule, try to see it as an opportunity to take a break from your daily life.
You should devote your full attention to this meeting. That’s why you need to find a time when neither of you is distracted by phones or crying children. Turn this occasion into a date at a local café with free Wi-Fi. Bring your laptop and use this quiet time away from home to focus on your financial future.
Note: Schedule monthly money dates to ensure both of you are achieving your goals and communicating about your progress.
Write Letters
Get to know your shared financial goals by writing letters to each other outlining your financial plans. The letter can address your financial past, including how your families managed money and whether you think your upbringing had good financial habits. This gives you deep insight into each other’s “money mindsets.”
After discussing your upbringing, talk about current and future issues. For example, do you prefer a joint bank account or separate ones? One of you might suggest having more control over the money than the other. Discuss how you hope to be wealthy and what you are willing to sacrifice to achieve it. Are you planning to cover your children’s education costs? Define your retirement dreams and what it takes to achieve them.
Ask Questions
During your next money date, ask your partner questions related to their letter. These questions should clarify the points made in the letter and explore different aspects of your financial lives.
If your partner did not touch on something in their letter that you mentioned, this is an opportunity to get their opinion on that matter. If you don’t understand a point your partner tried to clarify in their letter, make sure to ask questions until you grasp it, ensuring that you are both working toward the same goals. Remember, there are no right or wrong answers here, but you must be honest with each other to find a way to reach a compromise.
Think in “We” Terms
Create a realistic budget together based on the future you both desire. Write the plan using words like “we” and “us” instead of “I” and “you.” Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship. If you find yourself in a dynamic where one spends and the other saves, and you are the saver, be empathetic. Accusations do not help and put people on the defensive. Your goal should be to get to the root of your financial issues, not to prove that you are better at managing money.
Dig deep to determine why one of you saves while the other spends. Review your letters and look for underlying motivations that explain why and where your financial opinions diverge.
Listen to Each Other
If your partner feels uncomfortable putting $200 a month into savings, ask why. Is it because they want to use that money to pay off debts or student loans? Is it because they would prefer to dine out more and eat at home less? Listen to what your partner says and see if there is reasonable agreement. Both partners need to be on the same page for the budget to work.
Talk
About Mistakes
Your partner may spend a larger amount on a part of the budget. Don’t place blame when this happens. Instead, look for ways to prevent it from happening again. Be a starting point for discussion and try to understand why your partner went over budget, but do so without making judgments. For example, did your partner exceed the budget because the car repairs were more costly than anticipated? Add more money to the “repair fund” to prevent future issues. Arguing with your partner without understanding what went wrong is a recipe for disaster, as is making assumptions about why they exceeded the budget.
Note: This financial table can help you deal with any complications in the budget with your partner.
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Sources:
The Balance uses only high-quality sources, including peer-reviewed studies, to support the facts in our articles. Read our editorial process to learn more about how we verify facts and maintain the accuracy, reliability, and credibility of our content.
New York Times. “Financial Disputes Predict Divorce Rates.”
Source: https://www.thebalancemoney.com/how-to-avoid-financial-disagreements-453846
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