In this article, we will discuss how siblings can share financial responsibility towards aging parents. We will talk about the importance of understanding parents’ needs and how to determine how siblings can help. We will also cover how to share financial responsibilities and common points of contention among siblings. In the end, we will offer some tips for those who are only children in the family.
Understanding Parents’ Needs
It all starts with conversations. The first conversation between you and your siblings should be about how to talk to your parents about their financial affairs. You should decide whether one person will start the conversation with the parents or if it will be a group discussion. You should also discuss when and how to initiate the conversation.
Regardless of the method you choose, it is important to approach these conversations with love and respect. You should let your parents know that you are ready to help if they need it and that you want to honor their wishes. Therefore, you should gather some information from them, such as whether they have the following legal documents:
- Will or Trust: These documents specify who gets what upon the parents’ death. If they die without a will, their assets will be distributed according to state law.
- Durable Power of Attorney: This document names someone to make financial decisions and transactions on behalf of the parents if they are unable to do so themselves. It should be noted that if the parents want to appoint all their children as powers of attorney, they should grant each of you the ability to act independently of the others. Otherwise, you all will need to be present together to sign documents and talk to financial institutions, etc. For this reason, it is recommended to appoint only one power of attorney.
- Health Care Proxy: This person is responsible for making medical decisions for individuals if they are unable to do so.
- Living Will: This document specifies the type of end-of-life medical treatment the parents would like or would not like.
It is also important to get a general idea of the parents’ financial situation by asking them how they are managing retirement. “This might help you determine whether you need to financially support them or not, which they may not want to admit,” said Huddleston.
It’s also essential to know what type of care the parents would like if they need long-term care due to illness, disability, or mental deterioration. Do they expect you and your siblings to take care of them? Do they have the financial resources to pay for professional care? “The sooner you start asking these questions, the more time you and your parents will have to explore available care options and create a care plan so that no one has to navigate emergencies,” said Huddleston.
Determining How Siblings Can Help
Planning inheritance with siblings for parents can be a challenging task, as everyone will take on different responsibilities during the process.
Stephen Wittenberg, director of estate planning at SEI Investments Company, said in an email that siblings should be realistic about who they are and their skills and willingness to participate.
When dividing responsibilities, do not assume that the other siblings have the financial means to care for the parents. “People who appear to live a rich life may have a lot of debt and may not be able to help as much as others think,” Smith said. It’s important for everyone to be upfront about their roles to avoid resentment and frustration.
Huddleston said that if one sibling cannot provide personal care but can handle the financial costs, it may make sense for them to help pay for the parents’ transportation, cooking their meals, cleaning their home, or caring for them so that the sibling living nearby doesn’t feel overwhelmed. Any siblings who do not provide personal care can also play their part by overseeing the parents’ financial affairs and handling other logistical tasks (provided they are appointed as power of attorney).
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Huddleston: “The most important thing to keep in mind is that you and your siblings should not put yourselves in financial jeopardy to help parents financially. If you do that, you’ll continue to dedicate this role and your children may have to support you when you grow old.”
Common Points of Disagreement Among Siblings
Huddleston said disagreements often arise among siblings when one person bears most of the responsibilities.
Huddleston stated, “It’s good to agree in advance on the roles each of you wishes to play before emergencies arise.” But if those conversations haven’t happened, it’s not too late to hold a family meeting to discuss how to share responsibilities.
If you are the one taking on the caregiving responsibility, don’t hesitate to ask your siblings for help. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, they may not realize it unless you tell them. “Don’t attack them for not being involved,” Huddleston advised. “Specifically tell them what they can do to make things easier for you.”
If you’re having trouble communicating and getting help from your siblings, it may be helpful to bring in a third party to mediate a conversation with them. This could be a social worker, counselor, or attorney. For example, an attorney can help explain processes and set up a general power of attorney for the parents.
Tips for Only Children
If you are an only child and can’t bear the financial responsibility for your parents alone, you may be able to take advantage of a variety of resources, according to Huddleston.
Working with an advanced care organization may be beneficial both health-wise and financially. For example, the Advanced Care Association has programs that provide someone to oversee various aspects of parenting care and guide you to free or low-cost resources in the community.
People who are unable (or unwilling) to help their parents may wonder if they are legally obligated. Over half of U.S. states have filial responsibility laws requiring adult children to be financially responsible for their parents’ healthcare bills they cannot afford. However, Huddleston said these laws are rarely enforced, and the best way to handle an individual case is to consult with an elder law attorney.
It is important to note that children are not responsible for their parents’ debts upon their passing. Instead, any outstanding debts would be paid from the estate.
Conclusion
When planning financially for parents, it’s important to have open and honest conversations with all parties involved as soon as possible. Agree with your siblings before raising the topic with your parents. And if you need help, employing a consultant or attorney may be beneficial.
Frequently Asked Questions
When should I take on my parents’ financial responsibility?
Taking on your parents’ financial responsibility is a sensitive matter. There is no clear answer as to when the time is right. This process will require ongoing discussions with your parents to understand their wishes and what your role should be in providing assistance or care when they become unable to do so. However, if you notice that your parents are experiencing health or mental decline, it may be time to intervene.
What should I do if one of my siblings doesn’t want to help our aging parents?
It’s hard to force someone to provide care for their parents (whether financially or otherwise) when they have…
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