Now I am six weeks away from my due date, and I keep asking myself the same question over and over… how are we going to manage?
Of course, my husband and I are very happy to be adding another child to our family. But the idea of feeding him every two hours, dealing with postpartum recovery, working without sleep, and taking care of our two-year-old at the same time makes me anxious. Those early days with a baby were tough when I only had one child to care for—how do parents make it work when they have two or more?
And what about my other concern? Ella has spent her first two years as the center of our lives. How will she feel and behave when she no longer gets all our attention? The thought of her feeling confused, sad, or forgotten breaks my heart. So, to get some guidance and reassurance, I reached out to nine moms who have multiple children. Here are their tips…
On connecting with both children:
“In those foggy early days, you might be tempted to enjoy your time with your new baby while sending your older child off with your partner, a friend, or a babysitter. But during my maternity leave with my second son, I did the opposite: I left the baby at home and took my two-year-old daughter to the playground. One hour (or less!) alone with her felt so refreshing because not only did she get all my attention, but it also helped me feel better about the end of our one-on-one time.” – Jennie Tong
“Your heart grows to love your children more and more. At first, I felt guilty for not bonding enough with Anton right away. I loved my sweet baby, but did I love him with all my heart and soul the way I loved Toby? I had only known Anton for a short time. It was like asking if you love someone madly on the first date. But as he grew, we fell in love with each other, and now both children are my great joys in life.” – Joanna Goddard
“There was one trick that helped a lot in those early days: I made a big-sister box filled with stickers, crayons, paper, and some small new toys for her. Whenever I was busy with the baby, I would ask my four-year-old daughter if she wanted to get out her big sister box so that she had something special to do beside us.” – Virginia Sole-Smith
Tips for making life more manageable:
“A friend introduced me to the concept of ‘reciprocal fulfillment sites’ – places where everyone in the family enjoys themselves and has their needs met. For us, that means the local pool, where one parent plays with the kids while the other does some quiet laps, then we switch! Or the local nature reserve where the kids can run freely while we get a walk and fresh air.” – Mel Wiggins
“Whenever possible, choose ease! If it’s easier for the baby to nap in the baby carrier instead of an isolated bedroom with blackout curtains when you’re busy picking up the older sibling from school, do it. And if you find yourself unable to dedicate the same amount of time to stimulating the baby the way you did with the first, let it go – watching their older sibling’s gymnastics class (or anything else) will be sufficient – it will be different, not better or worse.” – Maggie Ponsi
Encouragement for you:
“Two kids are more than one, true, but the best part about having a second child is that you have built-in muscle memory. I hadn’t swaddled a baby before the birth of my first child, I didn’t use a breast pump, and I struggled to open a stroller while carrying a baby over a bumpy sidewalk. When doing everything for the first time, it can be physically uncomfortable. The second time around, my body knew what to do, and the whole experience was less jarring for my body. Changing a diaper in the dark? Handled.” – Erin Boyle
“If
“Sometimes you feel like you’re starting from scratch in your parenting abilities, so don’t blame yourself for thinking that you ‘should’ be good at it because you’ve done it before. The truth is that every child is different, so it’s perfectly normal to feel like a novice again.” – Destiny Davis
Enjoying the Joy:
“The first year after my youngest child was born was incredibly exciting because it felt like a balance between a two-year-old and an infant. But once you get past the infant stage, it becomes easier. And it’s so much fun when both children get older. When the youngest started talking to the oldest, those conversations were hilarious. And seeing them make each other laugh is something indescribable.” – Nicole
“Let it be funny. Everyone around you will tell you how hard and exhausting your life is, like ‘You’re in the thick of it!’ and ‘Wow, you have your hands full!’ Yes, having multiple little kids is really hard sometimes, but it’s also a lot of fun during the good times. Now, when I see a mom with multiple kids out in the world, I say something like ‘Oh, how lovely, they are beautiful.’” – Caroline Chambers
What would you add? I’m all ears!
Note: Translation of the original text from Cup of Jo
Source: https://cupofjo.com/2023/12/11/going-from-one-kid-to-two-advice/#comments
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