Now I am six weeks away from my due date, and I keep asking myself the same question over and over again… how are we going to do this?
My husband and I are very happy to be adding another child to our family, but the thought of feeding every two hours, dealing with postpartum, being sleep-deprived, and at the same time caring for our two-year-old makes me anxious. I struggled in those early days with the baby when I had to care for just one child, so how do parents make it work when caring for two or more?
Is there worry about the other? Ella has spent her first two years as the center of our attention. How will she feel – and react – when she no longer has all of our focus? The idea that she might feel confused or sad or forgotten breaks my heart. So, for some guidance and reassurance, I reached out to nine mothers with multiple children. Here are their tips…
On connecting with both children
“In those hazy early days, it can be tempting to want to snuggle with your new baby and send your older child off with your partner, a friend, or a babysitter. But during my maternity leave with my second son, I did the opposite: I left the baby at home and took my two-year-old daughter to the playground. That one hour (or less!) alone together felt so comforting because she not only got all of my attention, but it also helped me feel better about the end of our one-on-one time.” – Jennie Tong
“Your heart grows to love your children immensely. At first, I felt guilty that I didn’t bond with Anton enough right away. I loved my sweet baby, but did I love him with all my heart and soul, like I did Toby? I didn’t know Anton for long. It was like asking yourself if you’re in love with someone on a first date. But as he grew, we fell in love with each other, and now both kids are my greatest joys in life.” – Joanna Goddard
“There was a trick that helped a lot in those early days: I made a special big sister box, filled with stickers, markers, paper, and some little new toys. Whenever I was busy with the baby, I would ask my four-year-old daughter if she wanted to get her big sister box so that she had something special to do beside us.” – Virginia Sole-Smith
Tips for making life more manageable
“A friend introduced me to the concept of ‘mutual investigation sites’ – places that everyone in the family enjoys and meet everyone’s needs. For us, that means our local pool, where one parent plays with the kids while the other does some quiet lengths, and then we switch! Or our local nature reserve where the kids can run wild while we have a picnic and fresh air.” – Mel Wiggins
“Whenever possible, choose ease! If it’s easier for the baby to sleep in the carrier instead of the isolated bedroom with dark curtains while you’re busy picking up the older sibling from school, do that. And if you find yourself unable to devote the same time to stimulating activities for the baby as you did with the first, let it go – watching the older sibling’s gymnastics class (or other activities) will be enough – it will be different, not better or worse.” – Maggie Ponce
Encouragement for you
“Having two children is more than having one, that’s true, but the best part of having a second child is that you have built-in muscle memory. I hadn’t swaddled a baby before my first child was born, hadn’t used a breast pump, and had struggled to open a stroller while carrying a baby across a bumpy sidewalk. When you do everything for the first time, it can be physically hard. The second time, my body knew a lot of what to do, and the whole experience was less of a shock to my system. Changing a diaper in the dark? Handled.” – Erin Boyle
“If
“Sometimes you feel like you’re starting from scratch in your parenting skills, so don’t blame yourself for thinking you ‘should’ be good at it because you’ve done it before. The truth is that every child is different, so it’s normal sometimes to feel like a beginner again.” – Destiny Davis
Enjoying the Joy
“The first year after my youngest was born was amazing because it felt like a balance between a two-year-old and an infant. But once you get past the baby stage, it becomes easier. It’s really fun when both kids grow up together. When the youngest started talking to the oldest, those conversations were hilarious. And seeing them laugh together is indescribable.” – Nicole
“Let it be funny. Everyone around you will tell you how hard and stressful your life is, like ‘You’re in the thick of it!’ and ‘Wow, you have your hands full!’ Yes, having multiple little kids is really tough sometimes, but it’s also so much fun during the good times. Now whenever I see a mom with multiple kids out in the world, I say something like ‘Ah, what a dream, they are beautiful.’” – Caroline Chambers
What do you add? I’m all ears!
Note: This article was translated from Cup of Jo
Photo by Padillarigau Mumsonfilm/Stocksy
Source: https://cupofjo.com/2023/12/11/going-from-one-kid-to-two-advice/
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