What attracts us to choose our romantic life partners? New extensive analyses suggest that we tend to be drawn to certain common traits. We have all heard the popular saying that opposites attract. Researchers at the University of Colorado Boulder confirm that this saying is often inaccurate, based on the results of their comprehensive study in September, published in the journal Nature Human Behavior. The saying “birds of a feather flock together” is a more accurate summary of how we choose our partners.
The Comprehensive Study
Horowitz and others conducted a systematic review of peer-reviewed studies in English involving comparisons of identical or similar traits in partners, all published prior to August 17, 2022, with the earliest dating back to 1903. They excluded same-sex/gender partners, considering these partnerships require separate analysis as patterns may vary significantly. The comprehensive analyses focused on 22 distinct traits. The team also analyzed raw data for an additional 133 traits, using the UK Biobank dataset, which is one of the largest and most detailed health-related information sources in the world for over 500,000 individuals. Overall, the study included millions of couples over a century: co-parents, engaged couples, married couples, and cohabiting partners.
Common Traits
The comprehensive analyses and Biobank analyses revealed that the strongest associations between couples were for birth year and traits such as political and religious attitudes, educational attainment, and some measures of intelligence. Couples also tended to be similar in substance use: alcoholics tended to be with other alcoholics, and abstainers tended to be with other abstainers. There were few traits among Biobank couples where opposites appeared to attract clearly, particularly whether one is a morning person or a night owl, tendencies toward anxiety, and hearing difficulties.
Weak Associations
The weakest associations were for traits such as height, weight, medical conditions, and personality traits, although these associations were generally positive, except for openness, which showed almost no association. “People have all these theories that say open people like closers or open people like other open people, but the truth is it’s like flipping a coin,” said Horowitz. “Open individuals are equally likely to end up with other open individuals as with closers.”
Warnings and Suggestions
Horowitz and others warned that even the strongest associations they found were somewhat moderate. Regarding why couples are notably similar, the authors wrote that there are many potential reasons. Some people may simply be drawn to similar types, or couples may become more alike over time. Perhaps two individuals who grew up in the same geographical area or similar home environments find themselves naturally attracted to one another.
The authors did not overlook several limitations of their comprehensive analysis. They specifically noted that most partners sampled were from Europe and the United States, with only a few partners from East Asia, South Asia, Africa, Latin America, and the Caribbean. Additionally, all participants in the UK Biobank dataset were between the ages of 40 and 69 when originally recruited and were all less likely to smoke or experience social deprivation or daily drinking. The studies included in the comprehensive analysis also varied significantly regarding the sample sizes used to derive associations between traits. For these reasons, the authors caution that their findings “are not generalizable to all human populations and time periods.”
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